ME- Beginning and the End

This post comes after a long time since Rohan wrote something here. I was a bit busy to write smthng good here for some days and then was too bored to vent it out here. I generally refrain from writing smthng here so that I don’t trouble poor readers with frustrations in my life.

But today when I was generally reflecting back on whatever has happened so far in my life, I just realised that it is equally important to share sadness and frustrations with others, which i restrict to a very few individuals in my life.

So I tght why not write it on the blog as well, let others know what brings sadness, dejection and regret.

So guys this one will be full of rantings about how bad my life has been so far, so if u r in a happy and joyous mood, plz dont read further and then curse me for spoiling ur mood..

Let’s make a list

I REGRET

1. not trying to get into IIT.

2. not being rich enuf to own a hard earned CAR(so far).

3. not being daring enuf to go out of the way to achieve my goals, considering they are a bit out of the way for a normal guy being born and brought up in a limited opportunity country like INDIA(again considering my interests like cars, electronics).

4. not being intelligent enuf, I need to work a lot more than many others(and less than many many others) to achieve something.

5. having an absence of luck all thru my life(i honestly do not remember any instance where I got help out of my luck, its just non existent in my life, good luck , bad luck both).

6. my family all tearing apart, never really disturbed me as a kid coz I never realised what I lost then, but now I realise what I wud have gained had it not happened. But again it was inevitable, and maybe happened for good (thats a universal justification for evrythng bad that happens, isnt it???).

7. all the circumstances making me so tough mentally that I am almost unmoved by any other human beings presence, everythng in my life is just abt ME. Its ME always first. So when I get too tired of ME, there’s no one else to relate to, coz I never allowed anyone to relate to ME.

8. understanding that in any relation a persons character is what matters, and not the relation tying u together. Thats why u will never see me asking for or doing smthng for someone by the excuse that he is my frnd or bro or sis. The reason will be he is Prasad or Sunny or Rohan or Sneha. The person is the reason, not the relation.

9. being a bit different from all the others I have come across. I agree every human is different from others, but I have made an effort all my life to be as diff as possible. I really dunno but I just tend to dislike any general behavior shown by ppl. I never feel like accepting the fact that general rules in a society can govern a persons existence. And that is the most prominent rule accepted by everyone. What I mean here is for eg. its accepted that u shud respect ur teachers coz they ' are teachers and they are elder to u' and on the contrary, recently its considered uncool and stupid to appreciate a professor if he is really good, then u r termed chaatu, sharif, padhaku and what not.

10. having a ‘dont mess with me’ kind of attitude and aura arnd myself, I have always been told this. Although I honestly never made an attempt towards this attitude, but rather its the outcome of my character and beliefs.

11. lacking the ability to speak, compliment and even scold others. I just dont know how to show care for others, coz I have really never cared for others, other than myself and very few ppl whom I like as a person. Again coz I never try to relate to ppl under the pretext of a relation.

And as I finish the list, I am also left with the feeling that some of the above stated reasons are also the source of all the content that I have in my life.

1. No luck- only hard work, so all that I achieve and lose is coz of me and not some divine unknown, unseen power. So my life is a result of my deeds alone.

2. My attitude- keeps away unwanted and stupid ppl.

See, so at the end its more regret than content. Well I guess this was supposed to be a vent out, so I am in no frame of mind to think abt good things in my life.

Sorry guys (especially Sunny, he will kill me for posting this after Rohan’s wonderful post, sorry dost). I wish to see something here soon by Sunny or Junaid.

But I am sure that ME will be the end of all my regrets as soon as I am able to justify all my actions and beginning of a wonderful and content life